The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
