Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
then he tried to convert me to islam
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
