why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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