i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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