this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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