My nipple is on Facebook.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
