I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My pussy is not your playground.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
