Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
