I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
