I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
