Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
