Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
