My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
