Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
