we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
