I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
