So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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