Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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