i was born a porn star she said
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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