I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
