My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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