Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
