i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
