as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
