If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
