you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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