I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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