Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
