The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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