OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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