why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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