I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize