The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
