I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize