My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
