Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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