Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
