Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
