Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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