I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
