They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
