Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
