so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
