I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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