I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
