Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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