Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
