She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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