Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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