I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
