My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
