TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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