How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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