me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My feet surprised me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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