Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
