I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think i got beer on your cat.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize