Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
