It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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