God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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