Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
