He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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